Day 9: An Open Letter to My Daughters
An Open Letter to My Daughters
How many generations does it take
for trauma
to work its way out of the blood stream? The psyche,
for the shadow to lift?
I hope it’s one.
I hope it’s half only, for some damage I know
I’ve already done.
Does it live in your genes?
A quick startle reflex
that proved necessary for some?
The inherited ability to walk
on eggshells?
Or is it all about
how you were raised?
In the calculus of my unknown origins, which would be best?
Was the water in your childhood environment
different from before and after?
I think it was.
Although we have not yet spoken of the trauma you survived,
I have not forgotten and will not.
I promise to bear witness,
not only to your flowering, your Blossoming,
but also to your reckoning.
You can ask me things
when you’ve come of age,
and I will answer.
No obfuscating.
No deflecting.
No excuses.
“Have you ever rationalized?” you asked.
Some vocabulary word
and a child’s understanding
of the layers of explanation,
meaning making,
boundaries drawn
and steps taken.
And ultimately, hope held tight.
“Once or twice,” I say.
And I pray,
silently,
that I can create a bubble
big enough around you
to shield you from boys
who try to step on your toes
as you run
the whole of the playground
that belongs to you, too.
That I can teach you how to use your voice,
your words loud and strong enough
to claim that space
for yourself
and others, too.
Whose voices are rusty from misuse
or happen to sing in a register
that falls on deaf ears.
And I pray
you will find ways
and make spaces
to build sanctuaries
to all that you love.
Warm rooms filled
with blankets and cups of tea,
to shelter your heart,
tiny altars to protect your soul.
And more than enough time and space
to just be.
Just breathe.
I pray
that when all is said
and all is out,
when you have felt your feelings fully
and found
in the end
I am just like you.
Too frail,
fallible,
human.
And one day,
finally,
you will reach for forgiveness.
Even if it seems too far away.
In Rumi’s field,
in a place beyond explanation and blame,
where there is only
Love.
I’ll meet you there.
I have always been there
for you, I have never left.